Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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