TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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