where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
