I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
