im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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