U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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