There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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