Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
