You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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