does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
