just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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