someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
