WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
