I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
