how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
