so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
