Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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