dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
