Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
