the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
