So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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