As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
