That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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