maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
