Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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