I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
