I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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