I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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