So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Still dying that you shit outside
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
