It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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