You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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