dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
