how can u be prego again
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
