i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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