She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
