His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
