Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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