I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
