It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
