My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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