I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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