She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
