so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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