do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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