ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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