i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
