Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
