i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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