I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
