you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
