dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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