Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
