using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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