At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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