Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
