ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
