Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
