My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
