My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
handjob tips. give me some.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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