I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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