apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
