'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
