The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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