Got a toothbrush?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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