we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
