I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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