My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Girls should come with a carfax report
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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