you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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