And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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