i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
