I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
