you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
