discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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