So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize