i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We had sex on a dog bed..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
