We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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