I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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