there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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