Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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