a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
