She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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