Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you still have your period?
My hand turned me down
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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