He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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