Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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