My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
