Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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